I don't have the chance to touch the PC for the past week. It has been a very busy and hectic week for me. As I am typing this, all my three children are sleeping. All of them are having flu and cough at this moment. The medicines make them drowsy and hopefully they can recover soon.

Thank you for all your hari raya wishes for me. I'm sorry I don't have the chance to reply. Let me wish all of you from the bottom of my heart, Selamat Hari Raya Aidil Fitri, Mohon Maaf Zahir Dan Batin....

For me, this hari raya was not as excited as before. I don't know why I felt this way. Ramadhan went so fast and I felt that I did not make full use of the blessed month. I let it go without doing enough.

I think this year is a revelation year for me. A few things happened had made me realized that life is UNPREDICTABLE. I thought I had less but I realized that there's others who has nothing yet never complained. I am really ashamed of myself. On hari raya's eve, I visited a relative who is not as fortunate as others. She has 5 children and she is not working. The sad thing about her life is that....her husband married another woman oversea. I knew he neglected his wife and children, yet she never spoke ill of him. According to her, she redha what her husband did to her. She did not want a divorce as she knew, it would break her children's heart. She put aside her feelings as long as he is happy. She gave her consent for his marriage as she did not want him to deepen his sins. I was really shocked to see the condition of her house. Her house is almost empty. People complained that they have no new curtains, not enough kuihs and cakes for raya, not enough new dresses and shoes and bags etc etc...she has nothing. Her children's hari raya clothes was being donated by a kind hearted relative. There's only a small rice cooker and a old washing machine in her kitchen. She does not have a fridge. Yet she did not complaint a bit. As an outsider like me, I would surely blamed her husband for doing this to her, but...she blamed herself. She said that she did not play her part enough as a wife, that is why he went astray. I was speechless. There is nothing I can do other than do my part as any fellow Muslim would do. My heart goes to her children. May she remain strong and calm. May Allah lead her husband to the right path and show him how his wife has sacrificed and suffered.

As years went by, I have different perception of hari raya. Hari Raya is the day for seeking forgiveness for the wrong doings that I have done to others. "Maaf Zahir dan Batin" is not just another words, it has deep meaning. Our sins to Allah, we can seek forgiveness, but our sins to other human...???

So I really meant it when I say, "Mohon Maaf Zahir Dan Batin, dari hujung rambut ke hujung kaki, di depan atau di belakang, antara sedar dan tidak, dunia dan akhirat".