MOVED

I've decided to move my blog to another space. I will not delete this blog as so much have been wrote here.

Please continue to visit me HERE.

Thank you.

Cousins' Love

My migraine all gone when I met my two cousin this afternoon. It is true when some says the sickness is all in the mind. When I was with them, I did not think about my migraine at all. I just had my fun with them.

I love their company. We could really talk about anything. We just don't have to hide. We talked about our life. All of us are mothers now, so somehow we touched the topic on our children.

We always get free meal if we lunch with Linda. She will not accept our money to pay her back. She is one generous lady. May Allah grants her with more wealth.

I had my chance to romos Linda's girl, Nisa. Carried her, kissed her, hugged her, changed her diapers and also fed her milk. I simply love this little girl. And I know she loves me too.

Me feeding Nisa

And Nisa loves her Mama Lyn too.

I've Let Go

I've let go all the unwanted feelings. I feel my burden is lighter and feel so free. I do not wish to keep the negative feelings in my heart. It's all out now.

As I'm typing this, the migraine that started since yesterday night, still exist. My head is throbbing with pain. This morning I have started to sneeze a lot. So I accept that this week is my sick week. My body is clearing out all the negatives eons just like I've cleared all the negative feelings.

Despite the migraine, I will be meeting my two cousins, which I love so dearly, for lunch. I cannot just cancel this appointment as one of my cousins has taken leave from work for this lunch meeting. I do not want to disappoint her as much as I want to meet my cousins also. These two are my closest cousins and we went through a lot together.

My cousin will be bringing her little girl along and everyone knows how much I love babies. Babies are one amazing creature which I just want to hold and kiss them forever. All my three children have grown, but in my heart they are still my babies.

The Mixed Feelings

Right now, my feelings are all jumble up.

Sad, disappointed, anxious, happy, angry, hurt, worry, confident, empty, missing....

So many things happened after my last update.

I attended the two-days workshop by Shaykh Yahya Rhodus, and I can still hear his soft voice and remember the knowledge that he shared.

The feeling of being near with the people of Allah, Habib Umar,Shaykh Khalil Moore and others, is so indescribable.

The joy of having my sisters-In-Islam, inside Allah's houses, with the people of Allah, is beyond amazing. Speaking of my sisters-in-Islam, I am going to miss them terribly. My house is no longer a garden of Paradise on every Friday. And thinking of that, really makes me sad. But I am thankful that I have the chance to make my house a garden of Paradise, even though for a very short time. My house feels empty on Friday.

I can still hear the rhythm and beat at the Spiritual Jamming organized by SimplyIslam. Together with Shaykh Khalil Moore and Shaykh Usama Cannon, the Qasidah and Selawat. The du'a. The best part was, my husband and my three children were there too. It's kind of family outing with spiritual entertainment.

There's also a full version of Semarak Selawat with Ustaz Shafi at Masjid Sultan. As usual, it's full house and very crowded, yet it's very spirit-lifting and satisfying the soul.

Then I received a sad and yet happy news at the same time. The feelings are all mixed up now. Some questions have been answered and yet some are left hanging. Putting away all the hope and little disappointment, I just have to accept what's stored for me. Redha. I'll let Allah decides what's best for me, as HE is The All-Knowing.

Habib Umar Bin Hafiz

He's back, Masya'Allah.....

Please let me attend his lectures, Ya Allah.....

Discomfort

Taking the MRT alone from one end to another end was no fun at all. It would be better if I travel with someone. At least I had someone to distract me.

I saw what I should not see. Looking down at my shoes all the way helps though.

I heard what I should not hear. If only I turned on the volume of my MP3 loud enough.

I smelt what I should not smell. Tyring hard not to puke. I could faint.

I almost touched what I should not touch. Trying hard to keep my ablution stays.

Sat between two male strangers was very scary. I wanted to gave up my seat but my journey was still long way to go. And I didn't want to stand with more men around me. So I stayed put. One of them falls asleep and ALMOST landed his head on my lap. I asked for Allah's help, and that man's handphone rang. Phew.....

I'm not being stuck-up here, just posting my discomfort taking the MRT alone. If I have the choice, I want Hubby to send me wherever I need to go.

Or staying home is so much better choice........

Patience

Narrated Abu Said Al-Khudri: Some Ansari persons asked for (something) from Rasulullah s.a.w and he gave them. They again asked him for (something) and he again gave them. And then they asked him and he gave them again till all that was with him finished. And then he said "If I had anything. I would not keep it away from you. (Remember) Whoever abstains from asking others, Allah will make him contented, and whoever tries to make himself self-sufficient, Allah will make him self-sufficient. And whoever remains patient, Allah will make him patient. Nobody can be given a blessing better and greater than patience." ~ Sahih Bukhari

I NEED to be patient.

And I need time.

Everything Went Well

Alhamdulillah. Everything went well, as planned.

On Thursday night, I had Qiyam session with my beloved Halaqah sisters. My children slept over at their Nenek's house and Hubby spent his time alone at home. I had doubt at first actually, leaving Hubby sleeping alone. But I guess, it's good to be alone once in a while.

The Qiyam session with the sisters was indeed beautiful and peaceful. The bond and the love between us, could not be described by words. We forget about our differences. We were there for the sake of Allah, and Rasulullah.

I was relieved and glad as my presentation on "The Remembrance of Allah" went well. Only Allah knows how nervous and worried I was before the presentation. I really did my homework and research on the topic. But Alhamdulillah, they did not nod off during my presentation. They listened. And I pray hard they got what I was trying to deliver.

Friday was rest day and clear some housework day. By then all my children were back home and suddenly the house became noisy. I was supposed to help out for the Maulidur Rasul's preparation, but Hubby went alone instead. I wanted to gather my strength for the big day on Saturday.

And Saturday was the big day. We came to the National Stadium at 2.30 pm to help out here and there. The sky was dark and at about 5 p.m, it was raining heavily. I pray hard that people would still come despite the rain.

My prayer was answered. More than 10,000 jemaah came, for the sake of Allah and Rasulullah. As usual, Ustaz Shafi managed to attract thousands of people when he and Darul Fikrah organized a Maulid. I am proud to be part of Darul Fikrah. The best part was, my two girls also had the chance to help out distributing the packet of briyani rice, Selawat book and water to the jemaah at the entrance. While Affandy had the chance to be with the 'Ulama. He was taken care by the Darul Fikrah's volunteers in charge, and he did not even cry and look for me for that night. I was so proud of my children.

The Maulid went very well. The preparations, the meetings, the standings, the sweat, the smile, the thirst, the hunger, the pain. There were all so worth it.

We left the National Stadium about 1 a.m. By the time we reached home, we were dead beat.

Invitation To All

*Click on for clearer view*

Please come. For the sake of Allah and our Rasulullah s.a.w.

Yesterday Learnt

"NEVER EVER forget that we have sins in this life. Covering the aurah from head to toe does not make us better that others. Syaitan will always trick us by make us believe that we are one level higher than the rest. Syaitan will always keep on attacking when we make a step closer to Allah. Always remember our past sins to make us humble, to make us remember that we are nothing."

"Make at least 300 Istighfar per day as we live in life full of distractions. Make yourself feel "lower" after each Istighfar."

"If we lose adab and akhlak, we lose Islam. When we have adab with Allah, automatically we have adab towards human."

Sink it in your head and straight to your heart, Rina!!

Big Lessons Learnt

In this life, I've met all sorts of people.

I've learnt a few very big lessons last week. The lessons that can make me remember for the rest of my whole life.

I sincerely gave some advice, but sadly it was labelled as "scolding". My intention was being misunderstood.

I dutifully feedback some issue, but it was taken as "complain". Then tongue wars started. Scary.

My words were twisted and they made a small issue, big.

Some people were really unfair, bias and such a suck-up to other people of higher rank. What could they gain? Seriously, NOTHING!

Where was my mistake? I talked too much. I involved too much. Really too much.

I learnt my mistakes the hard way. I am so going to avoid these people. I have too many sins already. Just by being with them, it will get worse.

I'll stick to the small and certain group of people who really accept me as what I am.

The next important thing, is to keep my mouth shut. When there's nothing to say, I'll glue my mouth. I want to smile more, rather than talk more.

"Ya Allah, please forgive me, as I have sins. Bring me close to the people that can bring me closer to YOU. Guide me. Help me, Ya Allah..."

Why I Love My Sunday?

Sunday morning. Allah's house. An-Nur. Millions of Angels. Full of seekers. Ustaz Shafi. Zikir. Selawat. Tears of repent. Soothing. Al-Fatehah. Du'a. Imam Habib Abdullah Haddad. Words of wisdom. Reminder. Hadith. Connection with Allah. Back to Fitrah. Zikir Munajat. Closing Du'a. Sisters-In-Islam. Hajj Jema'ah. Hugs. Kisses.

Sunday afternoon. Lunch. Shopping. Gathering at in-laws' abode. Family meeting. Bonding. Quality time. Dinner. Sotong Masak Hitam.

Sunday night. Masayu's abode. Millions of Angels. Ustazah Muna Alhabshi. Sisters. Al Fatehah. Asma Ul Husna. Al-Hasyr. Selawat. Intention. Halaqah. Rasulullah. Talked about Heart. Invisible slapped in the face. Shared. Tears. Words of advise. Experience. Tasbih Kafarah. Al-Asri. Selawat. Hugs. Kisses. Curry Puffs. Fried Banana. Purple Pudding. Tea with ice. Small talk.

I want more blissful Sundays....

Missing Afiqah

I admit that sometimes I wished that I could have some time to be alone, without the kids. My house can be pretty peaceful without the children around.

It's a normal practise that my all children will sleep over at their Nenek's house on school holidays.

But this round, it seems that only Afiqah is very excited to be with Nenek. Since she was there since last Sunday, she is supposed to come back soon. But she insisted to be with her Nenek still this Sunday. What?? The whole week of school holidays!

I definitely disagree with her decision. She has not completed her homework yet. I told her that she has to be back home on Thursday.

The truth is, I, as a mother, feels kind of weird and incomplete when one of my children is not with me. I might complained here and there about them. But still, they are my children. I gave birth to them. I want them to be with me.

A few days without them is acceptable but not seeing them for the whole week...NO.

Allah knows how I felt when I did my pilgrimage for the whole month of December last year. Being apart from my children for the one whole solid month. The yearning to hug and kiss them, missing their voices....it's unbearable for a mother. But Alhamdulillah, with Allah's help, I managed to go through that test.

I have not seen Afiqah for three days. I admit I miss that girl terribly. Today I may stop by at Nenek's house to see my girl. Nenek wanted all my three children to stay with her tonight. But unfortunately, Afrina has a plan of her own, I can't force her to sleep over at Nenek's place. Afrina is a grown up girl now and to her sleeping over is no longer an excitement. She would rather read her books and face the PC, at home, without any interruption.

But I'm not sure about Affandy though. This young man changes his mind very fast. One minute he wants to be with Nenek, the next minute he wants to go home. I'll let him decide later.

Anger

I saw a mother, scolded and shouted at her child, in public place. Everyone around suddenly became quiet and turned at the shrieking voice. I did not know what the child had done, but my heart went to the child. The child just stood still, looked down, and wept uncontrollably. I wept with the child, inside my heart.

If I had the courage, I would have hug the child and tell the child everything would be ok.

This incident is kind of a reflection to me. Have I ever scolded and screamed at my children in public places like that? At home, yes, sometimes, but outside, seriously, I cannot remember. I pray that I have not and I will not. Ever. Usually those who are angry could not remember herself being angry as she is controlled by syaitan. I seek Allah's forgiveness if I have ever done that.

I put myself in that child's shoe. Being humiliated and embarrassed, in front of the public, by own mother. People staring all around. Feeling helpless, defenseless, vulnerable. And crying is the best and the only thing that she can do.

Shame on me if I ever scream at my children in public places. As much as I do not want to be humiliated, I should never humiliate others, even to my own children.

Narrated Sulaiman bin Surd : "While I was sitting in the company of the Prophet (pbuh), two men abused each other and the face of one of them became red with anger, and his jugular veins swelled (i.e. he became furious). On that, the Prophet (pbuh) said, "I know a word, the saying of which will cause him to relax, if he does say it. If he says: 'I seek Refuge with Allah from Satan.' then all his anger will go away." ~ Sahih Bukhari

How beautiful and simple the lesson our beloved Prophet (pbuh) taught us. We seek refuge with Allah, when we are angry. It may be simple to say, but it's not totally impossible to do. And it's the right thing to do.

I need to apologize to my children and want to hug my children right now....

As I am not a perfect mother.

Misunderstood

I'm being misunderstood.

I should have kept quiet and didn't get myself involved. But my intention was clear.

I wanted to help, for Allah's sake.

I know my intention was right, but my action was being misunderstood.

I could sense that something was not right. When I looked further, my feeling was right. People could take others' explanation, but could not accept mine. People could accept others' action, but could not accept mine. The funny thing was, both explanation and action were the same. It's just from different person.

Life is unfair, yes, but I know Allah is just. HE knows my REAL intention.

Now that I'm being misunderstood (serves me right for being involved), keep quiet and stay away is the BEST solution at the moment.

Sisters' Hugs and Kisses

It was simply beautiful. Really simply beautiful.

Last night, my small abode has become the garden of paradise.

Sisters of Islam came.

We sat.
We recited beautiful Surahs from the Quran.
We mentioned the Asma Ul-Husna.
We read Selawat.
We said our intention.
We shared knowledge.
We asked questions.
We listened.
We ta'aruf.
We laughed.
We hugged.
We kissed.
We cried.
We mingled around.
We parted.

And I can feel they are still here.....

I want everyday to be Friday.

Decision....Decision

To be near or to stay away?

To join an open group or to be with a close group?

To get involve or not to get involve?

To have lots of friends or to have only a close few friends?

To voice out or to keep quiet?

To go or not to go?

To cook or not to cook?

To entertain the children or to have more own free time?

To have nothing to do with it or to have something to do with it?

To stay neutral or to take side?

To obey husband or to listen to majority says?

To shift the furniture or to let it stay as it is?

To buy good but expensive one or to buy cheap but useable one?

To take medicine or to let it heal by itself?



Guide me in making the right decisions, Ya Allah...

Bring me to those who can lead me closer to you, Ya Rahman...

Show me the way to have peaceful in life...Ya Rahim...

And it has started

My Halaqah class has started and I'm blessed to be there.

Seeing my beloved Ustazah and hearing her sweet voice again. Attending the Halaqah again was like a wake up call for me. A tight slap on the face.

Seeing my fellow Halaqah sisters again makes me really happy and overjoyed. I see there are new sisters joining us. We were chosen by Allah to be there. We want a very good ending of our lives. We were there for one reason, to be near Allah and Rasulullah.

I'm certain by obeying Allah and Rasulullah, I can find peace in life.

InsyaAllah.....

Sweetness of Faith

Narrated Anas:

The Prophet (pbuh) said, "Whoever possesses the following three qualities will have the sweetness (delight) of faith:

1. The one to whom Allah and His Apostle becomes dearer than anything else.
2. Who loves a person and he loves him only for Allah's sake.
3. Who hates to revert to Atheism (disbelief) as he hates to be thrown into the fire."

~ Sahih Bukhari ~

Bundle of Joy

Nisa Sabrina Binte Nor Azhary, my cousin's daughter. I love babies...



And yes, my girls love babies too.