I have to put this up.

He's FIVE years old today.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MUHAMMAD BAQIR AFFANDY.

You are a precious gift from ALLAH, to me.....Alhamdulillah.

The Only Places I Wanna Go Again

and again and again and again and again .......

Madinah Al-Munawwarah AND Mekah Al-Mukaramah.

Period.

The heat, the striking hot weather, the burning skin, the rashes, the dust, the bleeding nose, the crowd...seems like nothing when I was inside the MOST beautiful places on earth, Masjidil Haram An-Nabawi AND Masjidil Haram Mekah.

MASYA'ALLAH....MASYA'ALLAH...MASYA'ALLAH is the only word I could write now.

I cried like baby when I did my last prayer at Masjidil Nabawi...

I cried so hard when I did my last prayer at Masjidil Haram...

I don't know when I can set my foot on those places again. InsyaAllah this coming Hajj? I don't know.....

What I know is that, I cried a lot at those two Masjidil Haram. Like I wrote in my previous entry, it's a journey of a million teardrops. And it was....

Back to reality, I have loads of laundry to clear.

I have 7 luggages to unpack.

I have more than 1000 photos to upload.

I have lots and lots of things to write and share.

But I can't do it overnight.

At this moment, I need rest. In my sleep, I want to dream of those two places.

I want to go back there.....

It's Gonna Be Different

My intention is only for ALLAH.

And I want to be there with my RASULULLAH.

I am leaving right after my Subuh prayers tomorrow. Everything is almost ready. I am touched by the visiting and unceasing do'a from all my fellow sisters-in-Islam. I cried hard for that.

If only I could bring all of them with me, I would.

This Umrah trip will be different from the one I went in 1997. I was young then. I went for the sake of going, and I was not there full-hearted.

This time it's gonna be different. I am ready and I submit and surrender myself to my Creator.....ALLAH.....

"Allah yang mencukupi segalanya. Dialah yang aku tuju. Dialah yang mencukupi segala sesuatu, Dialah yang mencukupi aku."

Please pray for me.... :'(

The Journey Begins Soon

I'm nervous. But I'm ready.

I am ready for a journey of a million teardrops. A journey I know that I will face trials and tribulations.

I can't wait to step into Masjid Nabawi at Madinah Al-Munawarrah.

I long to face and gaze the Kaabah at Masjidil Haram.

Ya Allah, please make it easier for me to be near my Rasulullah...

Grant me with all the khusyu' to pray and supplicate in front of Baitullah...

Too Much

All these while,

...I've said too much.

...I've talked too much.

I've failed to prevent my tongue from talking about unbeneficial topics. I've let my tongue loose. I could not keep my mouth shut.

"Narrated Ibn 'Abbas: I have not seen a thing resembling 'lamam' (minor sins) than what Abu Huraira 'narrated from the Prophet who said "Allah has written for Adam's son his share of adultery which he commits inevitably. The adultery of the eyes is the sight (to gaze at a forbidden thing), the adultery of the tongue is the talk, and the inner self wishes and desires and the private parts testify all this or deny it." ~ Sahih Bukhari"

"Had it not been for the Grace of Allah and His Mercy unto you in this world and in the Hereafter, a great torment would have touched you for that whereof you had spoken. When you were propagating it with your tongues, and uttering with your mouths that whereof you had no knowledge, you counted it a little thing, while with Allah it was very great. ~ Surah An-Nur : 14-15"

Astaghfirullah.....Astaghfirullah.....

Ya Allah, please stop me before I say anything unuseful. Give me a chance to think and consider before I blurt out my words. Make it easy for me to zikr to you...

It's all so worth it.....

.....the standing for almost at the whole event,

.....the running here and there,

.....the enduring under the hot blazing sun,

.....the sweat,

.....the aching feet,

.....the migraine,

.....the hungry,

.....the thirst.....

Upon seeing about 10,000 Muslims and Muslimah gathered, despite the very hot wheather, for the sake of Allah and our Rasulullah s.a.w.









Alhamdulillah.....

I wanna be there

I'm nervous and I can't wait for this Sunday.

InsyaAllah, together with estimated about 12,000 people, and I will be one of them.

I'm more excited thinking that I am one of those volunteers involved in this Majlis Maulidur Rasul.

....Rabbi yassir wa laa tu'assir....

It's all for Allah's sake....

And it's because of you, Ya Rasulullah....

Grant me with your syafa'at, I want to there with you at Padang Masyar.

Death

Today I've learnt about death. I attended a Dhuha class, and the topic was all about death.

Ustaz depicted about how it feels like to be on the verge of death. What do we actually feel on our sakaratul maut. Some death may be easy, some death takes very long.

Ustaz asked us to hold our breath as long as we could, and decribed what did we feel at that point. There were some mixed answers : uncomfortable, pain, dizzy, desperately gasping for air etc.

But all agreed on one thing - SCARED...

Once we are on the verge of death, Allah will open the hijab to another world - the halfway to the hereafter. The world where we can see Jin and Syaitan. At that point, we will feel terribly thirsty. They will disguise as our love ones (those who are closed to our hearts), and offer us a drink. At the same time, persuading us to deny that Allah is not our God. Na'uzubilllah minzalik!!

Ya Allah....I seek your forgiveness.

Ya Allah....Please bless me with your rahmat, taufiq and hidayah.

Ya Allah....I pray for Husnul Khatimah.

Patience

It's easier to say than done.

I try to instil patience to my three children, but before I can do that, I have to show them what is patience is all about.

I have to be patience myself, so they can follow me.

But like I said, it's easier to say than done.

A little provocation can make me lose patience.

I have so much to learn to control my anger and zip my mouth.

Astaghfirullah......Astaghfirullah....

Zzzzzzz.......

Allah pulls back the nikmat in life as we grow older..

But InsyaAllah, HE will replace with better ones.

I used to NOT taking afternoon naps and I could still slept late and woke up early.

But now, it's different.

I dozed off when I attended my night class. And it happened twice already. And I don't like it a bit - feeling sleepy at class.

I struggled to keep awake, to the extend that I even pinched myself. Ouch!! But it did not help.

I want to stay wide awake during those classes as all the ilmu on the classes are very precious to me. Too good to be missed!!

So now, though I don't like it, if I have night class to attend, I try to nap for maximum half an hour during the day. I do not wish to take a long nap as I will get difficultly to sleep at night.

Tonight I am so free as my Halaqah class has ended. I'm looking around to attend any night class on Friday.

Cry

I want to cry hard....for Allah.

I want to cry more....for Rasulullah.

I need THEM for my akhirat.

I do not want to pull my husband to hell for my sins.

I do not want to pull my son to hell for my sins.

I do not want to pull my father for my sins.

Ya Allah...I beg your sympathy and forgiveness.

*sob sob*

Another Day

ALLAH is kind to me.

He gives the taste of being sick since yesterday, But I am grateful for that.

I can still presume my normal routine chores.

I pray. I do laundry. I cook. I vacuum the house. I change the carpet. I even got the strength to sit in front of the PC.

HE makes me fall sick, and I shall go to HIM for prescription.

ALHAMDULILLAH....

The Chosen One

Someone close called me up the other day and asked me, how come I was not one of the chosen one?

After having some thoughts about it, I came up with these...

It's inevitable to feel disappointed when I am not the chosen one. I asked lots of questions wondering what it takes to make me the chosen one.

It is trust? Or how long I should know that person? Does it base on my ability and compassion?

Should I be disappoint when not given the privilege to read/view something exclusive and private?

Maybe the right word to describe the disappointment is "being left out".

But I forget one very important thing. Actually it's okay to be left out on the above situation. As it only happen in this WORLD.

I should be real disappoint when not chosen by ALLAH for his taufiq and hidayah.

I should cry hard when not given by ALLAH His compassionate guidance.

My heart should break when I fail to remember ALLAH when HE is there for me every seconds of my life.

I AM NOTHING without ALLAH's love.....

Death is CONFIRMED, but life only...INSYAALLAH.....

When one door is shut on me, I know there's lots of other opening doors waiting for me to enter. ALLAH is far and just.

And the latest, I was welcomed to join an exclusive "cats group of people." Heh heh....

So do I still feel disappointed for the above "human" reason.

Totally NO.

I can smile now. ALHAMDULILLAH....

Here I Am

It's been almost a year I left this blog alone.

But this fingers of mine have been itching to blog again.

So....InsyaAllah, I'll start to write again.

I'M OUT!!!

I'm so lethargic to update my blog lately. I think I lost interest in blogger, again. And I don't think anybody comes here and read anymore.

But I can be found here. Feel free to add me as contact.

Have a bless day, everyone!!

:)

He wants it, he got it......

Hubby got himself a new toy today......NOKIA N95

He's been eyeing it for so long and been patiently wait for its launch, now he owns it.

I should feel envy, but this time I'm happy for him.

This is his first ever BRAND NEW EXPENSIVE handphone he got for himself.

He's previous handphones were either second-hand (I was the first user) or he got it free when he signed a new contract with the service provider.

So you see, that's why I don't envy that he got his dream phone. But he knows me so well, even though I acted like I'm cool about it, my hands were soooo itchy to try the phone. And he let me played with it first. Yeah!!

While my fingers pressing here and there, I was like, "wah.....!", "kencang seh...!", "eh best nye..!", "wow....!", "fuhyoh...!" etc.

The best part was that, he told the kids, "All of you cannot touch this handphone, only UMMI and ABAH".

The kids were complaining, "TAK FAIR!! Ummi aje boleh..."

Abuthen?? I'm the MOTHER, hokay!!

Heh heh......

DEAD BEAT PART 2

Let me continue.......

Monday, 16 April 2007

I was exhausted. I had diarrhea. And Afiqah still burning with fever.

This time I took her to the doctor and she got 2 days of MC. Affandy also did not go to school as I was so tired to send and fetch him.

I spent my Monday by going in and out of the toilet, taking care of the a sick Afiqah and kept shouting to a super hyper active boy at home!! *fainted*

Tuesday, 17 April 2007

My diarrhea was gone and I let Affandy go to school. Afiqah stayed at home and rest but I still tagged her along when I fetched Affandy from school. I was so relieved that Afiqah was getting better.

Wednesday, 18 April 2007

I received a sad news from MIL when I was waiting to fetch my kids from school. Hubby's grandmother passed away in Malacca. I was so shocked and it left me speechless for a moment. My body was shaking and I held up my tears. After I regained control of my emotion, I called Hubby and we decided to drive to Malacca soonest possible. I went home straight and started to pack up, while Hubby rushed back and fetched Afrina from school. Together with my PILs, we drove straight to Malacca without stopping. We reached there in less than 3 hours.

We were just in time to see Nenek. We were the last one to say goodbye to her. I cried hard. Just last month we went to visit Nenek, and now she's gone......

Al-Fatihah for Nenek, Hajjah Aminah Binte Yunus....... We gonna miss you so much.....



We stayed in kampong for the night. I went to bed at 2 a.m but I could not sleep.

Thursday, 19 April 2007

We had to rush back to Singapore and left Malacca about 10.30 a.m. This was the sad moment for us. We salam, hugged and kissed our kampong relatives. We cried. We felt the loss of Nenek. They made us promise to come back even when Nenek is not around anymore. InsyaAllah....... even though they are far, they are near in our hearts. We will definitely come back to kampong to visit them.

We left with heavy hearts.........

We reached home about 3 p.m. I was so tired and sleepy that I took a nap. I checked on Afiqah, I thought she could attend school next day.

Friday, 20 April 2007

Just as I thought everything was fine now, but it wasn't. As I was about to give Afiqah a bath, I was surprised when I looked at her body. Rashes all over!!! I got panicked. Is this chicken pox or HFMD? They're so red and she said it's itchy.

I got Hubby to send Affandy to school and I sent Afiqah to see the doctor again. I was so relieved when doctor said it's not chicken pox or HFMD. It's a type of rashes due to dust or allergy. Phewww........

Even though she has rashes all over, her is back to her real self.

Today, Saturday, 21 April 2007

With Afiqah having rashes and it's raining right now, we stay at home. We may be going out for dinner later at night.

I want my strength and energy back.......

DEAD BEAT PART 1

So many things happened for the past one week. One after another. At this moment, I am physically and mentally tired. I have yet to regain my strength back. Let me try to recall what happened since last week Wednesday.

Wednesday - 11 April 2007

Out of the sudden, Afiqah's temperature rose. From a cheerful and energetic girl, she became so quiet and her just kept to herself. I self-medicated her and hopefully she could have peaceful night sleep. But she kept waking up and cried. I lost my sleep for that night.

Thursday - 12 April 2007

Afiqah was absent but I let Affandy went to school. Since Hubby could not be released from his work, I had to fetch Affandy from school. I had no choice but to drag Afiqah along as no one's to take care of her. Her fever went up and down and I continued to self-medicated her. She still woke up and cried at night and I lost my sleep again.

Friday - 13 April 2007

Afiqah's fever was gone so she went to school. But in the late afternoon, again her temperature rose and again I self-medicated her. And once more I had only a few hours of sleeping.

Saturday - 14 April 2007

Afiqah's fever was on and off.

I've been busy baking and making last minute preparation for my BIL's engagement. I made some gubahans for the hantarans. I baked more than 500 pcs of mini cupcakes. I also made puddings. After Maghrib, we went to MIL's house to send over the kuehs and did some touch-ups on the hantarans gifts. When we reached home about 11 pm, I put my kids to sleep and continued with preparing the ingredients for Udang Sayur Masak Lemak. I slept at 2 a.m.

Sunday - 15 April 2007

This was the busiest day of the my life. This was the day my BIL got engaged.

I woke up at very early to cook the Udang Sayur Masak Lemak. Got my kids ready for the occasion and off we went to collect the hantaran cup cakes which I ordered from a friend. I ordered two more kuehs from an online friend and I am so grateful that she offered to deliver over to my MIL's house.

Only Allah knows how busy I was. I divided myself into two, being a obligated DIL and an apprehensive mother with a sick child. Yes, my Afiqah was still sick with fever and flu.

I'll talk more on my BIL's engagement day when I upload the photos.

After the last guest left, I helped MIL to clean up the mess. We reached home almost 11 pm and I was totally worn-out!!

To be continued......

THE FRIDAY

We did go out on last Friday. Hubby came back around 6 pm and off we go to Orchard Road!!

Hubby parked the car at Royal Park Hotel and did his prayer there. While waiting for Hubby, my kids and I waited at the hotel lobby as though we were one of the guests there. I got the kids to pose and I took their pics. Even the hotel's staff greeted us. Hahahaha......!

It's been a long time since we went to Far East Plaza. I used to worked with the management before I was married. So much changes and all the tenants that I knew were no longer there.

We walked around and decided to have our dinner at one of the Malay restaurant on the 5th floor. The food was good but the service sucks!!

When Afrina's food was served and she was about to eat (only few seconds to reach her mouth), the man asked her to stop eating and took back the food!! He said the food was meant for the other table!! Then he served the same plate to the other table.

Sheeesshh....! Macam gini punya orang pun ada!

What happened if Afrina already eaten the food? Would he still served to the other table?

Pity Afrina, while waiting for her food, she licked the fork and spoon..... Betul punya lapar anak dara aku......

We are so NOT going there again!!

I planned to took some night view pictures of Orchard Road. I brought along my camera stand. But I forgot to charge the battery earlier and it went flat!! Weak ah....

So after dinner, we thought of strolling along Orchard Road, but Afiqah started to get crancky, saying that she was tired and sleepy. Spoil ah....

Siang suruh tido taknak, bila nak jalan penat!!

So, we pun baliklah!!

WHAT HOLIDAY??

Today is a public holiday, and it's supposed to be A holiday.

What is a holiday means to me?

It means.....

- no cooking (checked)
- no tedious housework (well...just the laundry)
- no school (checked)
- must go out (arrrgggghhh.....!)

This is the setback. We really have no idea where to go but we will definitely go out, no matter what. I was ready, and the kids were ready. Once Hubby came back from his Friday prayer, we planned to have lunch and just roam around Singapore.

But.....

His pager beeped, and off he went to attend the customer's stupid machine problem!!

Die die also must attend!!

Leaving me and the kids at home, all dressed up, feeling very hungry.

We waited and waited and waited, who knows he could come back fast and we could have our lunch together.

It was 3.30 pm and the kids were starving, I was starving too!!

And this Ummi, die die also didn't want to cook (holiday what!!)

So off we went to, where else, the nearest makan place which is just across the road.

Hah kau, lantaklah kami anak beranak!!

Even Afiqah which is not a rice-person, asked for chicken rice. (Obviously she's famished)

Still hoping the Hubby would come back soon, so went home straight.

Hubby still not back yet, even while I'm typing this entry.

While waiting for their Abah, the girls are watching whatever DVD and Affandy is having his nap.

And all of us are still in our baju jalan, just waiting for that one phone call from Hubby.

Still waiting..........