The Tears

Ya Allah, aku terima undangan Mu...

Aku hadir di sisi Mu...

Aku serahkan diriku pada Mu...

Aku redha dengan segala pemberian Mu...



And I cried and cried and cried repeating the above.

Allah makes my last Sunday, a tear-shedding day.

A day to let out whatever was inside the heart.

I am grateful for that.


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I Am A Seeker.....

All these while, I didn't realize that I am actually a seeker. A seeker of solace.

Attending the Syekh Khalil Moore's short-but-full-of-knowledge lecture, last Saturday, really struck me. His words just stunts the mind. MasyaAllah....

What I learnt from him, in order to cleanse the heart, get rid of these ten detestable traits :-


1. enviousness

2. arrogance

3. hatred

4. backbiting

5. self-promotion

6. finds fault of others

7. finds joy upon knowing the bad news of others and vice-versa

8. hypocrisy

9. difficulty in accepting truth, plunged in own way, debating or arguing on the truth

10.ostentation, pretentious or showy


Can I cleanse my heart of those 10 traits?

And I'm still seeking, ya Allah.....



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Love At First Heard

If I did not make an effort to find knowledge, I will always be in the dark.

Yesterday I "forced" myself to attend a night kuliah at Masjid Al-Iman. And I fell in love with it!!

Among other things, I've learnt that :

(Allah creates) This earth is a place for us to sujood, so there is NO EXCUSE for us to not to perform sholat. Sholat can be done anywhere (not just in mosque), as long as the place for sujood is clean. The keyword Ustaz stressed was, NO EXCUSE.

Reminder to myself, don't make ANY excuse to skip Sholat, or to delay the Sholat. I believe that a busy life makes the Sholat harder; but the Sholat makes a busy life easier.

Beautiful, isn't it?


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The Simple Message

It's amazing how a simple message of LOVE received at 4.47 A.M....

can make me cry...

can make me wanna be so close to Allah...

can make me realized I am full of sins...

can make me feel how close I am to death...

can make me truly accept the fact that I am nothing in this world...

It all started from a message from someone who loves me, for the sake of Allah.

Jazakillah bi khair, to the sender of this message.

I love you too, for the sake of Allah.

The Silaturahim

I love them, for Allah's sake.

Though the meeting was only for an hour, it's all that we need.

The silaturahim.....

I have to put this up.

He's FIVE years old today.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MUHAMMAD BAQIR AFFANDY.

You are a precious gift from ALLAH, to me.....Alhamdulillah.

The Only Places I Wanna Go Again

and again and again and again and again .......

Madinah Al-Munawwarah AND Mekah Al-Mukaramah.

Period.

The heat, the striking hot weather, the burning skin, the rashes, the dust, the bleeding nose, the crowd...seems like nothing when I was inside the MOST beautiful places on earth, Masjidil Haram An-Nabawi AND Masjidil Haram Mekah.

MASYA'ALLAH....MASYA'ALLAH...MASYA'ALLAH is the only word I could write now.

I cried like baby when I did my last prayer at Masjidil Nabawi...

I cried so hard when I did my last prayer at Masjidil Haram...

I don't know when I can set my foot on those places again. InsyaAllah this coming Hajj? I don't know.....

What I know is that, I cried a lot at those two Masjidil Haram. Like I wrote in my previous entry, it's a journey of a million teardrops. And it was....

Back to reality, I have loads of laundry to clear.

I have 7 luggages to unpack.

I have more than 1000 photos to upload.

I have lots and lots of things to write and share.

But I can't do it overnight.

At this moment, I need rest. In my sleep, I want to dream of those two places.

I want to go back there.....

It's Gonna Be Different

My intention is only for ALLAH.

And I want to be there with my RASULULLAH.

I am leaving right after my Subuh prayers tomorrow. Everything is almost ready. I am touched by the visiting and unceasing do'a from all my fellow sisters-in-Islam. I cried hard for that.

If only I could bring all of them with me, I would.

This Umrah trip will be different from the one I went in 1997. I was young then. I went for the sake of going, and I was not there full-hearted.

This time it's gonna be different. I am ready and I submit and surrender myself to my Creator.....ALLAH.....

"Allah yang mencukupi segalanya. Dialah yang aku tuju. Dialah yang mencukupi segala sesuatu, Dialah yang mencukupi aku."

Please pray for me.... :'(

The Journey Begins Soon

I'm nervous. But I'm ready.

I am ready for a journey of a million teardrops. A journey I know that I will face trials and tribulations.

I can't wait to step into Masjid Nabawi at Madinah Al-Munawarrah.

I long to face and gaze the Kaabah at Masjidil Haram.

Ya Allah, please make it easier for me to be near my Rasulullah...

Grant me with all the khusyu' to pray and supplicate in front of Baitullah...

Too Much

All these while,

...I've said too much.

...I've talked too much.

I've failed to prevent my tongue from talking about unbeneficial topics. I've let my tongue loose. I could not keep my mouth shut.

"Narrated Ibn 'Abbas: I have not seen a thing resembling 'lamam' (minor sins) than what Abu Huraira 'narrated from the Prophet who said "Allah has written for Adam's son his share of adultery which he commits inevitably. The adultery of the eyes is the sight (to gaze at a forbidden thing), the adultery of the tongue is the talk, and the inner self wishes and desires and the private parts testify all this or deny it." ~ Sahih Bukhari"

"Had it not been for the Grace of Allah and His Mercy unto you in this world and in the Hereafter, a great torment would have touched you for that whereof you had spoken. When you were propagating it with your tongues, and uttering with your mouths that whereof you had no knowledge, you counted it a little thing, while with Allah it was very great. ~ Surah An-Nur : 14-15"

Astaghfirullah.....Astaghfirullah.....

Ya Allah, please stop me before I say anything unuseful. Give me a chance to think and consider before I blurt out my words. Make it easy for me to zikr to you...

It's all so worth it.....

.....the standing for almost at the whole event,

.....the running here and there,

.....the enduring under the hot blazing sun,

.....the sweat,

.....the aching feet,

.....the migraine,

.....the hungry,

.....the thirst.....

Upon seeing about 10,000 Muslims and Muslimah gathered, despite the very hot wheather, for the sake of Allah and our Rasulullah s.a.w.









Alhamdulillah.....

I wanna be there

I'm nervous and I can't wait for this Sunday.

InsyaAllah, together with estimated about 12,000 people, and I will be one of them.

I'm more excited thinking that I am one of those volunteers involved in this Majlis Maulidur Rasul.

....Rabbi yassir wa laa tu'assir....

It's all for Allah's sake....

And it's because of you, Ya Rasulullah....

Grant me with your syafa'at, I want to there with you at Padang Masyar.

Death

Today I've learnt about death. I attended a Dhuha class, and the topic was all about death.

Ustaz depicted about how it feels like to be on the verge of death. What do we actually feel on our sakaratul maut. Some death may be easy, some death takes very long.

Ustaz asked us to hold our breath as long as we could, and decribed what did we feel at that point. There were some mixed answers : uncomfortable, pain, dizzy, desperately gasping for air etc.

But all agreed on one thing - SCARED...

Once we are on the verge of death, Allah will open the hijab to another world - the halfway to the hereafter. The world where we can see Jin and Syaitan. At that point, we will feel terribly thirsty. They will disguise as our love ones (those who are closed to our hearts), and offer us a drink. At the same time, persuading us to deny that Allah is not our God. Na'uzubilllah minzalik!!

Ya Allah....I seek your forgiveness.

Ya Allah....Please bless me with your rahmat, taufiq and hidayah.

Ya Allah....I pray for Husnul Khatimah.

Patience

It's easier to say than done.

I try to instil patience to my three children, but before I can do that, I have to show them what is patience is all about.

I have to be patience myself, so they can follow me.

But like I said, it's easier to say than done.

A little provocation can make me lose patience.

I have so much to learn to control my anger and zip my mouth.

Astaghfirullah......Astaghfirullah....

Zzzzzzz.......

Allah pulls back the nikmat in life as we grow older..

But InsyaAllah, HE will replace with better ones.

I used to NOT taking afternoon naps and I could still slept late and woke up early.

But now, it's different.

I dozed off when I attended my night class. And it happened twice already. And I don't like it a bit - feeling sleepy at class.

I struggled to keep awake, to the extend that I even pinched myself. Ouch!! But it did not help.

I want to stay wide awake during those classes as all the ilmu on the classes are very precious to me. Too good to be missed!!

So now, though I don't like it, if I have night class to attend, I try to nap for maximum half an hour during the day. I do not wish to take a long nap as I will get difficultly to sleep at night.

Tonight I am so free as my Halaqah class has ended. I'm looking around to attend any night class on Friday.

Cry

I want to cry hard....for Allah.

I want to cry more....for Rasulullah.

I need THEM for my akhirat.

I do not want to pull my husband to hell for my sins.

I do not want to pull my son to hell for my sins.

I do not want to pull my father for my sins.

Ya Allah...I beg your sympathy and forgiveness.

*sob sob*

Another Day

ALLAH is kind to me.

He gives the taste of being sick since yesterday, But I am grateful for that.

I can still presume my normal routine chores.

I pray. I do laundry. I cook. I vacuum the house. I change the carpet. I even got the strength to sit in front of the PC.

HE makes me fall sick, and I shall go to HIM for prescription.

ALHAMDULILLAH....

The Chosen One

Someone close called me up the other day and asked me, how come I was not one of the chosen one?

After having some thoughts about it, I came up with these...

It's inevitable to feel disappointed when I am not the chosen one. I asked lots of questions wondering what it takes to make me the chosen one.

It is trust? Or how long I should know that person? Does it base on my ability and compassion?

Should I be disappoint when not given the privilege to read/view something exclusive and private?

Maybe the right word to describe the disappointment is "being left out".

But I forget one very important thing. Actually it's okay to be left out on the above situation. As it only happen in this WORLD.

I should be real disappoint when not chosen by ALLAH for his taufiq and hidayah.

I should cry hard when not given by ALLAH His compassionate guidance.

My heart should break when I fail to remember ALLAH when HE is there for me every seconds of my life.

I AM NOTHING without ALLAH's love.....

Death is CONFIRMED, but life only...INSYAALLAH.....

When one door is shut on me, I know there's lots of other opening doors waiting for me to enter. ALLAH is far and just.

And the latest, I was welcomed to join an exclusive "cats group of people." Heh heh....

So do I still feel disappointed for the above "human" reason.

Totally NO.

I can smile now. ALHAMDULILLAH....

Here I Am

It's been almost a year I left this blog alone.

But this fingers of mine have been itching to blog again.

So....InsyaAllah, I'll start to write again.

I'M OUT!!!

I'm so lethargic to update my blog lately. I think I lost interest in blogger, again. And I don't think anybody comes here and read anymore.

But I can be found here. Feel free to add me as contact.

Have a bless day, everyone!!

:)