Wednesday, February 08, 2006

THE INCIDENT

It's been four days since Hubby left for States. So far, we have talked twice via long distance call. So good to hear his voice....

He also managed to speak to our kids before they left for school yesterday. I know they miss their Abah so much.

Affandy still looked for his Abah...

He will just cried for his Abah as and when he longed for him and he will not accept any explaination.

This incident happened last Monday.

Affandy was having his lunch and Afiqah was taking her afternoon nap. I asked Affandy if he wanted me to feed him, he said NO. So he ate quietly on his own. I kept myself busy by making kueh for the kids to munch later.

When I checked on Affandy, I was furious when I saw him playing with his rice. He poured the whole plate of rice on the floor and mashed it up. He even poured some rice onto Afiqah who was sleeping at the sofa.

I shouted at him and I hit him hard on his hand...... I knew he felt the pain, cause my hand was painful too. Then I carried him to face the wall.

He was crying loudly and I totally ignored him as I cleared the mess.

The crying soften and he began to weep and sob. This was when I felt so ashamed of myself....

He called his Abah between his sob....

This was the first time he called his Abah when he cried. Normally, he would just called me.

I was speechless and my heart melt seeing him weeping for his Abah....

What happened to me? I felt like I was a bad, ugly tyrant who beats an helpless child, my son.

I could still remember his words... "Abah, Ady nak Abah. Ummi beat Ady, pain... Ady nak Abah..."

I broke down and I hugged his tight. I could not decribe the regret, the remorse, the hurt that I felt at that moment. I just held him tight...

And I left a red mark on his hand.....

If only I was a little bit more patient and enduring....

If only I could control my anger and annoyance....

If only Hubby was here, to soothe and comfort his son...our son.

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