Big Lessons Learnt

In this life, I've met all sorts of people.

I've learnt a few very big lessons last week. The lessons that can make me remember for the rest of my whole life.

I sincerely gave some advice, but sadly it was labelled as "scolding". My intention was being misunderstood.

I dutifully feedback some issue, but it was taken as "complain". Then tongue wars started. Scary.

My words were twisted and they made a small issue, big.

Some people were really unfair, bias and such a suck-up to other people of higher rank. What could they gain? Seriously, NOTHING!

Where was my mistake? I talked too much. I involved too much. Really too much.

I learnt my mistakes the hard way. I am so going to avoid these people. I have too many sins already. Just by being with them, it will get worse.

I'll stick to the small and certain group of people who really accept me as what I am.

The next important thing, is to keep my mouth shut. When there's nothing to say, I'll glue my mouth. I want to smile more, rather than talk more.

"Ya Allah, please forgive me, as I have sins. Bring me close to the people that can bring me closer to YOU. Guide me. Help me, Ya Allah..."

Why I Love My Sunday?

Sunday morning. Allah's house. An-Nur. Millions of Angels. Full of seekers. Ustaz Shafi. Zikir. Selawat. Tears of repent. Soothing. Al-Fatehah. Du'a. Imam Habib Abdullah Haddad. Words of wisdom. Reminder. Hadith. Connection with Allah. Back to Fitrah. Zikir Munajat. Closing Du'a. Sisters-In-Islam. Hajj Jema'ah. Hugs. Kisses.

Sunday afternoon. Lunch. Shopping. Gathering at in-laws' abode. Family meeting. Bonding. Quality time. Dinner. Sotong Masak Hitam.

Sunday night. Masayu's abode. Millions of Angels. Ustazah Muna Alhabshi. Sisters. Al Fatehah. Asma Ul Husna. Al-Hasyr. Selawat. Intention. Halaqah. Rasulullah. Talked about Heart. Invisible slapped in the face. Shared. Tears. Words of advise. Experience. Tasbih Kafarah. Al-Asri. Selawat. Hugs. Kisses. Curry Puffs. Fried Banana. Purple Pudding. Tea with ice. Small talk.

I want more blissful Sundays....

Missing Afiqah

I admit that sometimes I wished that I could have some time to be alone, without the kids. My house can be pretty peaceful without the children around.

It's a normal practise that my all children will sleep over at their Nenek's house on school holidays.

But this round, it seems that only Afiqah is very excited to be with Nenek. Since she was there since last Sunday, she is supposed to come back soon. But she insisted to be with her Nenek still this Sunday. What?? The whole week of school holidays!

I definitely disagree with her decision. She has not completed her homework yet. I told her that she has to be back home on Thursday.

The truth is, I, as a mother, feels kind of weird and incomplete when one of my children is not with me. I might complained here and there about them. But still, they are my children. I gave birth to them. I want them to be with me.

A few days without them is acceptable but not seeing them for the whole week...NO.

Allah knows how I felt when I did my pilgrimage for the whole month of December last year. Being apart from my children for the one whole solid month. The yearning to hug and kiss them, missing their voices....it's unbearable for a mother. But Alhamdulillah, with Allah's help, I managed to go through that test.

I have not seen Afiqah for three days. I admit I miss that girl terribly. Today I may stop by at Nenek's house to see my girl. Nenek wanted all my three children to stay with her tonight. But unfortunately, Afrina has a plan of her own, I can't force her to sleep over at Nenek's place. Afrina is a grown up girl now and to her sleeping over is no longer an excitement. She would rather read her books and face the PC, at home, without any interruption.

But I'm not sure about Affandy though. This young man changes his mind very fast. One minute he wants to be with Nenek, the next minute he wants to go home. I'll let him decide later.

Anger

I saw a mother, scolded and shouted at her child, in public place. Everyone around suddenly became quiet and turned at the shrieking voice. I did not know what the child had done, but my heart went to the child. The child just stood still, looked down, and wept uncontrollably. I wept with the child, inside my heart.

If I had the courage, I would have hug the child and tell the child everything would be ok.

This incident is kind of a reflection to me. Have I ever scolded and screamed at my children in public places like that? At home, yes, sometimes, but outside, seriously, I cannot remember. I pray that I have not and I will not. Ever. Usually those who are angry could not remember herself being angry as she is controlled by syaitan. I seek Allah's forgiveness if I have ever done that.

I put myself in that child's shoe. Being humiliated and embarrassed, in front of the public, by own mother. People staring all around. Feeling helpless, defenseless, vulnerable. And crying is the best and the only thing that she can do.

Shame on me if I ever scream at my children in public places. As much as I do not want to be humiliated, I should never humiliate others, even to my own children.

Narrated Sulaiman bin Surd : "While I was sitting in the company of the Prophet (pbuh), two men abused each other and the face of one of them became red with anger, and his jugular veins swelled (i.e. he became furious). On that, the Prophet (pbuh) said, "I know a word, the saying of which will cause him to relax, if he does say it. If he says: 'I seek Refuge with Allah from Satan.' then all his anger will go away." ~ Sahih Bukhari

How beautiful and simple the lesson our beloved Prophet (pbuh) taught us. We seek refuge with Allah, when we are angry. It may be simple to say, but it's not totally impossible to do. And it's the right thing to do.

I need to apologize to my children and want to hug my children right now....

As I am not a perfect mother.

Misunderstood

I'm being misunderstood.

I should have kept quiet and didn't get myself involved. But my intention was clear.

I wanted to help, for Allah's sake.

I know my intention was right, but my action was being misunderstood.

I could sense that something was not right. When I looked further, my feeling was right. People could take others' explanation, but could not accept mine. People could accept others' action, but could not accept mine. The funny thing was, both explanation and action were the same. It's just from different person.

Life is unfair, yes, but I know Allah is just. HE knows my REAL intention.

Now that I'm being misunderstood (serves me right for being involved), keep quiet and stay away is the BEST solution at the moment.

Sisters' Hugs and Kisses

It was simply beautiful. Really simply beautiful.

Last night, my small abode has become the garden of paradise.

Sisters of Islam came.

We sat.
We recited beautiful Surahs from the Quran.
We mentioned the Asma Ul-Husna.
We read Selawat.
We said our intention.
We shared knowledge.
We asked questions.
We listened.
We ta'aruf.
We laughed.
We hugged.
We kissed.
We cried.
We mingled around.
We parted.

And I can feel they are still here.....

I want everyday to be Friday.

Decision....Decision

To be near or to stay away?

To join an open group or to be with a close group?

To get involve or not to get involve?

To have lots of friends or to have only a close few friends?

To voice out or to keep quiet?

To go or not to go?

To cook or not to cook?

To entertain the children or to have more own free time?

To have nothing to do with it or to have something to do with it?

To stay neutral or to take side?

To obey husband or to listen to majority says?

To shift the furniture or to let it stay as it is?

To buy good but expensive one or to buy cheap but useable one?

To take medicine or to let it heal by itself?



Guide me in making the right decisions, Ya Allah...

Bring me to those who can lead me closer to you, Ya Rahman...

Show me the way to have peaceful in life...Ya Rahim...

And it has started

My Halaqah class has started and I'm blessed to be there.

Seeing my beloved Ustazah and hearing her sweet voice again. Attending the Halaqah again was like a wake up call for me. A tight slap on the face.

Seeing my fellow Halaqah sisters again makes me really happy and overjoyed. I see there are new sisters joining us. We were chosen by Allah to be there. We want a very good ending of our lives. We were there for one reason, to be near Allah and Rasulullah.

I'm certain by obeying Allah and Rasulullah, I can find peace in life.

InsyaAllah.....